Project Hobbit
by Big Friendly Walrus
Summary: Its double the fun! Chapter 2, 'He’s new! He’s sexy! He’s precioussss!', and Chapter 3, 'Weird Science' are both up!
1. Prologue

PART 1: The Shadow Before  
  
Prologue  
  
Midworld...  
  
Frodo the hobbit was having tea with Bilbo and Samwise.  
  
"Ho ho!" Chortled Bilbo. Bilbo was a bastardly thief who stole a powerful ring from poor Gollum.  
  
"This tea is magnificent!" Belched Samwise. Samwise was a cruel Hobbit, and was very mean to Gollum when he wanted his ring back.  
  
"Why thank you!" Said Frodo. Frodo was a nice Hobbit, unlike the two assholes he was sipping tea with, and deserved the upcoming fate the least.  
  
"My precious..." Moaned a voice behind Sam. Sam could feel hot breath on his neck.  
  
"What the--?" He gasped when clammy hands snapped his neck. The tea spilled on his crotch, giving him excruciating pain before he died. His eyes bulged out. "GACK!" He tried crawling away, his neck at a strange angle. "Must...get....Gan...Gan...dalf..." He said, each word struggling from his mouth. Gollum kicked him in the head, separating the head from the neck inside his skin.  
  
"Gollum!" Bilbo shrieked. "I'm sorry for stealing your ring! Please, forgive me for such a cowardly act!"  
  
"Ssssuck me, bitch!" Gollum roared and punched Bilbo in the face, breaking his nose.  
  
"My nobe!" Bilbo sobbed. "Pleabe, leave ub alone!"  
  
"Did you leave ussss alone?" Gollum asked.  
  
"No..."  
  
"Ssssso why should we?"  
  
Gollum kicked Bilbo in the neck, cutting off the blood pressure.  
  
"Gggg..." Bilbo moaned. "Gaaaaagggg..."  
  
He collapsed to the floor dead.  
  
Frodo fell at Gollum's feet.  
  
"Oh mighty Gollum, most divine creation of Tolkien, spare my life!"  
  
"Well," Thought Gollum "You were nice to ussss. I'll let you live."  
  
"Oh thank you." Sobbed Frodo. "You are most merciful."  
  
Behind the two a small portal opened.  
  
"What is that?" Frodo thought out loud.  
  
A hand reached out and grabbed Frodo by the shirt collar.  
  
"Ach!" Screamed Frodo. "Help me!!!!!"  
  
"Frodo!!!!" Said Gollum. "Hang on!"  
  
Gollum pulled at Frodo's feet, while the mysterious hand pulled the hobbit by the shirt. After a brief struggle, Frodo was pulled in.  
  
New York City...  
  
"This is a holdup!" Screamed the man with the ski mask. He pointed a gun at the banker. "Give me all your money or your brains will be all over the walls!"  
  
THWIP!  
  
"What fa--" He said as gray goo covered his face sticking him to the wall.  
  
There was a flash of red and blue as the costumed hero known as Spider-Man swung away leaving the customers with a gooey mugger.  
  
"Damn!" Said a big fat woman. "Dat spandex is TITE! I could see his twigs'n berries!"  
  
"Shut yo mouth!"  
  
"But I'm written by the Walrus!"  
  
"Then we can dig it!"  
  
Spider-Man swung across the building tops hanging gracefully by a thin strand of webbing.  
  
Webbed to a building was a disposable camera. He had recorded it to snap pictures at this time. He was a photographer for the Daily Bugle, and was paid top dollar to get pictures of himself.  
  
Behind him a vortex opened.  
  
Spider-Man saw it but didn't really care. He had been part of several annoying crossovers and those vortexes were harmless.  
  
He turned around to see a balding man with black hair come out.  
  
Spider-Man was so surprised he lost his balance. He reached out blindly and was grabbed by the mysterious man.  
  
"Gaaah!" Spidey cried. "Let go!"  
  
The man's strength, plus the pull of the vortex, was too strong. Spider-Man was pulled in.  
  
  
  
Midworld (again)...  
  
In a hole in the ground, there once lived a hobbit before he was killed. It was not dry and dusty, nor was it full of useless furniture and other shit. It was filled with the ends of oozing worms and mud. It was a Gollum hole, and that meant comfort.  
  
After Frodo was kidnapped, Gollum gave Bilbo's house a makeover. He lived there in peace for many nights, until the stench from Bilbo and Sam's corpses had become really disgusting.  
  
Sighing, Gollum went outside and dragged their bodies into the river.  
  
Bilbo was dead, but unbeknownst to Gollum, Sam was still alive. The cold river woke him up.  
  
"Garrrrgleeeeee!" He screamed as he saw Bilbo's corpse. Green hands pulled him down, and he screamed all the way.  
  
Gollum sighed and walked up to his home.  
  
He heard the whirling of air and something grabbed him.  
  
Gollum didn't even have time to scream.  
  
Gollum woke up to find himself tied to a metal table. Two tables were next to him. Gollum noticed Frodo on one side and a man with red and blue spandex on the other.  
  
"What happened?" Asked Frodo.  
  
Two men walked in. The man who had kidnapped them spoke.  
  
"Hello, gentlemen." He said with a grin. "It is a pleasure to meet all of you today. I am Mr. Manning, and this here is Jordan." The second man grinned.  
  
"What do you want us here for?" Asked Spider-Man.  
  
"Well, I will combine DNA samples from all of you to create a hybrid...the combination of Frodo's girly looks ("Hey!" Said Frodo), Gollum's unnaturally high voice and Spidey's photographing hobby, together they will be the son I never had...Craig Manning!" 


	2. Human

Chapter 1  
  
Human  
  
Birth.  
  
Childhood.  
  
Adolescence.  
  
The growing fetus in the tube did not enjoy or indulge in these innocent years of childhood. No. He spent them all minutes each in a green liquid encased in a large tub.  
  
Mr. Manning caught Jordan looking at Craig's penis.  
  
"What are you staring at, m'boy?"  
  
"I'm sorry, sir." Said Jordan. "It's just that he's so sexy!" He gave a titter.  
  
"Well, if little kids are your fancy, then make a website about them!" Mr. Manning snapped. "This here is my ultimate creation! For I...am...GOD!" He laughed maniacally.  
  
A hand reached out from the tub of chemicals. Green goo dripped from its fingers.  
  
"It awakes!" Said Mr. Manning. "Hello, my darling son! EMBRACE YOUR FATHER!"  
  
Craig looked at him. His Hobbitish hair was matted to his skull. His eyes stared blankly.  
  
"Look at him!" Grinned Mr. Manning. "The artificial organism knows his daddy!"  
  
"Hu....man..." Craig droned. "I'm...human."  
  
"No you're not!" Snarled Mr. Manning. "You're a modern science miracle! You're the creation of a god! But you're not 'human'!"  
  
"Yes...yes...I AM!" Craig screamed in his high Gollum-like voice. He splashed the liquid in his father's eyes.  
  
"MY EYES!" Screamed his father. He collapsed to the floor, sobbing. He would need glasses.  
  
"Hu...man. Human." Craig repeated.  
  
"Get him, Jordan, you pervert!"  
  
"Yessir boss. Yessir." Jordan said looking at Craig's bare ass.  
  
"Human!" Craig screamed. He kicked Jordan. He tripped and fell on the goo.  
  
He ran out of the room and saw three naked creatures in large vials. A tube ran through their mouths. One had a spandex mask on him; the other was skinny and had large eyes. The other, with some modifications, was himself, but a lot shorter and more handsome.  
  
"HUMAN!!!!!!!!" Craig screamed and knocked over the tables. They shattered. Baby baboons with no genitalia and other horrific hybrids emerged from the slime and slogged over him and out the door. Craig paid no heed. He knew what he was. He was a clone.  
  
He ran outside and hid in a Dumpster. He silently sobbed, and cradled his head in his hands. "Human." He sobbed. Then again, this time with more emphasis. "Human."  
  
Human. 


	3. He’s new! He’s sexy! He’s precioussss!

Chapter 2  
  
He's new! He's sexy! He's precioussss!  
  
Jordan, Mr. Manning's assistant, went off on his own trying to score big with a child pornography site. His latest (and last) victim was Emma Nelson. Thanks to the heroic efforts of Toby Issacs Emma was saved, her virginity was intact and Jordan was arrested.  
  
Without Jordan, the funding for the lab was shut down and bought by Michael Jackson for skin modifications. Craig, the new hybrid, was all Jordan had left. That is, except for the baboons with no genitals, who spent all day in the attic pounding and screaming. And, of course, his prisoners. He had to have them to get DNA samples for his serums. Craig needed injections, or his body would slowly degenerate.  
  
Mr. Manning now had to wear glasses for the goo in the tube that Craig splashed in his eyes had damaged them. He was filled with a maddening hate for his son and promptly beat him for the slightest of reasons.  
  
Craig entered Degrassi halls. He was human now. Only humans were allowed in Degrassi, he thought proudly.  
  
To say in the least, he was accepted socially. All he did was walk around and snap pictures but girls hooted and hollered.  
  
He was so sure of himself, he butted in on one of Paige's conversations. She snapped at him, and when she left she called him a 'freakshow'.  
  
A 'freakshow'?  
  
Did she know?  
  
Did having the genes of a superhero and two hobbits (well, one that used to be a hobbit) make him a freak?!  
  
Emma Nelson even had a crush on him, even though just the previous year she had broken up with someone.  
  
He often visited Angela, his kid sister. Well, his artificial memories told him that she was. Sometimes he got home late. His father's meaty fists greeted him.  
  
Craig decided to run away. He would've succeeded, but somehow his memory levels had worked against him and he went to his mother's grave.  
  
Truth was, he didn't have a mother. She didn't exist.  
  
Mr. Manning could play the role of a father, but what of a mother?  
  
Easy: She died.  
  
Now, as you would probably know, he was brought in to live with Joey Jeremiah, and his daughter Angela, who we have mentioned before.  
  
When he got his stuff from his house and went into Joey's car, his father stood there staring at him with merciless eyes. They read: You need me.  
  
His new family had a series of good days and bad days. Once, when Craig got in trouble, he screamed to Joey in his unnaturally high voice 'You're not my father!'  
  
Joey didn't say anything, but rage was bubbling up. Excuse me? He wanted to say. Excuse me? Your father was a monster. You want your father? I'll be more than happy to bring him to you.  
  
Life went well, and Craig seemingly forgot all about the strange experiments in his father's lab or the creatures suspended in the tubes. The creatures that when added together equaled Craig.  
  
It turned out, Craig liked Manny and she liked him. The two were undressing in the car for an episode about safe sex that was going to be delayed several months by the N. They kissed passionately, both wanting more.  
  
"Oh, you're so good." Manny breathed. "Its like you're not human!"  
  
"I'm human." Craig said nervously, bringing back memories of the green goo in which he had come out of. "I'm human! I'M HUMAN!"  
  
He punched Manny again and again. "HUMAAAAAAN!"  
  
Manny's eyes rolled up as she hit the seat. Her virginity was still intact, thank god, but her memory wasn't. When she woke up she had no idea about what Craig had done, or the thin line of sanity on which he walked. Or the desperate yearning to be accepted. If she did, the story would be much different.  
  
Craig visited the-n.com's message boards later that night.  
  
"is it just me or is craig soooo hooootttttt!" Said one girl.  
  
"he is so cute! he izz da hottestt!" Giggled another.  
  
"What do you think of his personality?" Asked a guy.  
  
"perzonality?" The girls asked. "what perzonality? He's to SEXY to have one!"  
  
Craig grinned, even though if a maturer boy like Toby or JT were called personality-less they would take it as an insult.  
  
Drip.  
  
Drip.  
  
Splat.  
  
Craig looked at his finger and realized flesh was dripping from it and splattering across the keyboard. The drips typed in www.yourethemannowdog.com. A man on the screen snarled that Craig was a dog now.  
  
Craig let out a choked scream as his body began to degenerate slowly, but surely.  
  
Plop.  
  
A fingernail hit the computer screen.  
  
The serum! He needed the serum. Tears of pain welling in Craig's eyes, he thought of the one person who had the serum.  
  
His father.  
  
Craig ran out the door into the night. Angela woke up and saw him run out the window. Even in her young mind, she knew something was up. Too bad she didn't tell anyone.  
  
Craig ran down the street searching for the house.  
  
At last he got to it. He opened the door, and Craig's father came out.  
  
Craig lifted up his melting hand.  
  
Mr. Manning smiled and led Craig inside his house.  
  
The door shut. 


	4. Weird Science

Chapter 3  
  
Weird Science  
  
Mr. Manning looked at his son.  
  
"You're pitiful." He said. "This never would've happened if you had stayed with me."  
  
"Y-y-you beat me, Dad."  
  
Craig's father slapped Craig across the face, leaving some slime on his fingers.  
  
He looked at them with disgust and then said, "Damn straight I did! I should've known better than to mess with nature, and this is what I came up with! You're a useless scum!"  
  
"The girls like me."  
  
"'The girls like me.'" He whined. "Do you know how you sound?! Do you think girls like you for your personality? No! They like you for your dopey grin and your fluffy hair!"  
  
"Just p-p-please give me the serum. I'm falling apart." Craig gave a nervous grin. Mr. Manning cocked one eyebrow, suspicious.  
  
"Just come upstairs."  
  
"So," Said Craig, walking up the stairs with his father. "The serum is upstairs in the attic?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is it locked?"  
  
"Not that I'm aware of."  
  
"That's all I needed to know, you creep." Craig pushed his father down. Mr. Manning held out his arms to balance himself but it was too late. His arms reaching for something to hold on to he fell backwards and smashed onto the hard floor.  
  
With his legs and arms broken, and blood freely running from his nose, he let out a howl of pain mixed with rage.  
  
Craig ran up the stairs and into the attic. The attic was large, and there were some doors that led to other rooms. One door, unbeknownst to him, held his father's horrifying experiments and his three captives whom he needed if he wanted to create more serums.  
  
Craig looked for something. What it was, he did not know. He pushed away boxes and crates when he came upon a fridge. He opened it up and saw several syringes filled with a red liquid. The serum.  
  
He grabbed them and hurried down the stairs.  
  
His father was still there. He lifted his head up at his son.  
  
"Even with those...serums...you'll...hkkk...still begin to degenerate sooner or later." He growled. "You need me and you know it."  
  
Craig looked down and a feeling of rage swept over him like some hot tide rolling over the sand.  
  
He grabbed syringe after syringe and threw them at his father. The glass shattered onto him, and the serum seeped into them overloading his body.  
  
He let out a roar of anguish.  
  
With the broken bones and the foreign chemicals surging through his body, he should have died.  
  
Should have.  
  
Toby sat in his garage, thinking of what to do. JT was supposed to come, but then he called with some excuse.  
  
Then he saw the new guy, Craig, ride his bike down the road.  
  
"Hey!" Craig called. "Mind if I come down?"  
  
Toby shook his head no.  
  
Craig, panting, took out a beaker filled with a red liquid.  
  
"You're a science geek, aren't you?" Craig asked. "Do you think you can make more of this?"  
  
"I'm more of a computer geek, but I'll try."  
  
"Thanks!" Craig said in his high voice. "Mind if I stay to watch?"  
  
"No."  
  
So Toby started doing this complex experiment, while Craig helped himself to one of Toby's sodas. He gulped it down. What a fantastic drink this was! His taste buds tinged with excitement.  
  
The two started talking in a friendly conversation. The conversation turned towards school.  
  
"So, do you like that Emma girl?" He asked innocently.  
  
Toby's face grew a bit red. "Uh, yeah." Toby had it for Emma so bad, but he tried to hide his feelings with his girlfriend, Kendra. She liked anime like him, and he tried to pretend that it was enough.  
  
Craig recognized the tone of voice, and felt anger surge through him. He had just dumped Manny (she didn't even remember the relationship or anything that night She just thought she had dozed off in the car) and he had some feelings for Emma now. He would make sure Toby wouldn't stand in his way.  
  
A couple of minutes later Toby held a much larger beaker filled with the red serum. Craig's eyes widened with excitement. This could keep him safe for years!  
  
"So what's this for now?"  
  
"Science." Said Craig quickly. He 'accidentally' pretended to lose his balance for a moment and poured a small amount of the drug on Toby.  
  
When it hit Craig's father, the serum was high in quantity and his father's body could not resist it.  
  
With Toby, he had a small amount. Not that much.  
  
Craig's genes had a mix of Frodo, Gollum and Spider-Man. The serum contained this, and that's how Craig managed to stay in one piece.  
  
When the small amount entered Toby, the body broke down Gollum and Frodo's genes as foreign and easily took them out. Spider-Man was a human, well almost human, and the genes entered Toby's.  
  
Toby fell on the ground and began convulsing like Craig's father. Craig hid in a bush and watched, wanting to know if it would have the same result.  
  
Deep in Craig's mind, he was aware he had done a bad thing. But the feeling was so new he didn't feel any remorse over it.  
  
Emma had just happened to be having a small bicycle ride with Manny that day.  
  
They rode by Toby and Ashley's house and saw Toby on the ground, his body shaking back and forth.  
  
Although Emma told herself she didn't 'like like' Toby, and she fooled herself by dissing him behind his back, she rushed forward with Manny to help her friend.  
  
Craig peered through the bushes.  
  
Toby was now still when Emma and her friend ran over to him. Was Toby dead? Craig hoped so. In his mind this registered as a bad thing, but he was so excited he didn't care.  
  
Manny checked Toby's pulse.  
  
"He's still alive!" She said. "Do you know CPR?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do."  
  
She slowly breathed into Toby's mouth. After a while, he began coughing and she got up.  
  
"Are you okay?" She asked.  
  
"I am now." He said and grinned, his voice that of a man who was in a daze and wasn't in control of himself. Sort of like how Ashley was when she took ecstasy.  
  
Despite all this, she felt her cheeks redden.  
  
Craig peered through the bush, a wide range of emotions sweeping over him.  
  
Did getting sick like that attract girls? He had to try.  
  
He jumped out onto the road and began to convulse.  
  
Manny looked at him. "How dare you make fun of him that way?" She asked. "Were you here all this time?"  
  
Craig only gave his pouty look.  
  
"Forget it."  
  
Toby got to his feet, and looked at Craig, unaware that he tried to kill him.  
  
"Here's the manual on how to do what I did." He said. He gave it to Craig.  
  
Emma looked at Toby. "Are you sure you are all right?"  
  
Toby nodded.  
  
Emma and Manny walked off leaving the two boys alone.  
  
"Uh, thanks man." Said Craig.  
  
Toby went inside. His body felt like it was about to explode, but it was good in an odd sort of way.  
  
He looked in the mirror and was surprised to see a muscle growing.  
  
"Where did this come from?" He wondered.  
  
Craig came into his house. Angela was outside playing with her father In all the excitement, he forgot about the injecting!  
  
He looked at his finger. It was like pudding. There was no pain.  
  
Craig filled the syringe with the serum and jammed it into his wrist like a junkie.  
  
The results were quick and satisfying. Craig took another. And another.  
  
Wow! He felt better than ever. He never stopped to wonder about overdosing. You couldn't have too much of a good thing, right? 


End file.
